photo courtesy A Million Hoodies for Travyvon Martin Facebook page
I am Trayvon Martin’s mother. I am sad. I am angry. I am confused. I don’t know what to do. I feel helpless and not in control. Listening to the news and reading the Twitter feeds and Facebook comments helps me know that I am not the only person who feels like Trayvon Martin’s mother. This tragic case is one that everyone can support. Why? Because Trayvon was a child when he died. Correction, when he was murdered. And as a parent, more specifically, as a mother, it hurts to think of a mother who has learned that her child has died. Died and now must be buried. I always tell my own kids that parents should not have to bury their children. When a mother aches for the loss of her child, we ALL ache. Dads too, I’m sure of it.
Regardless of your color or your economic situation, bringing up a baby is a happy time. You protect them from germs; you make sure anyone who holds them supports their delicate little necks. You revel at the firs time they smile at you. You take pictures at milestones; you read their favorite story over and over and over (and over) again. You are proud. You are a parent. You are in control of your child’s life and you relish that opportunity to provide for that child and keep them safe.
But the world is unkind to children. Children are kidnapped, raped, and killed daily and there’s nothing you can do about it but hug your little one tighter at bedtime and hope the family of the victim gets some kind of comfort somewhere. And you never think it will happen to you. Unfortunately, the odds are against you if you are a Black male living in the South wearing a hoodie.
Do you teach your sweet little one to say thank you when they are given something? Yes. Do you teach your baby about stranger danger? Of course you do. Do you teach your child that being a young Black male in America puts you at odds with everyone? Of course you don’t. And why not? Because you mistakenly assume that if your child is polite and looks both ways before crossing the street that he is safe from harm. And you know what? You are wrong.
It is a shame that in 2012 with all the technological advances in the world and everything else that is glorious about modern day, it is still a crime to be a young Black male in America and there is nothing you can do about it.
But still, you persist.
You talk to your sons and tell them that they have to accept that the world is unfair to them. Life will be more difficult for them than for their sisters or their White counterparts.
You tell your sons that they have to be nicer, dress better (no saggy pants), be smarter, keep your anger in check, and be better at everything else to be successful.
You tell your sons that no matter how much fame and glory they obtain (even Presidency!) they will still just be a Black boy to some folks.
So, aside from teaching them about stranger danger, you have to teach them how to be on guard every single day of their lives. People will be afraid of him if the two of you are walking down the same side of the street and may cross over to the other side avoid him.
You teach your sons to pick their battles, and while its important not to be a doormat and get walked on, it’s more important to come home each day: alive and in one piece. Check your ego at the door, you tell them. Mommy just wants you safe.
And then? You watch them walk out the door and hope they will be ok; and you’re pretty sure they will because you’ve equipped them with the skills they need, right?
Only you didn’t think about that damn hoodie he was wearing and how it might cause a problem. It’s just a sweatshirt; all the kids wear them.
And now? You’ve lost your child because it was nighttime and he was Black and he was wearing a hoodie and happened to be on the outskirts of a community patrolled by racists on the hunt for a prowler.
That prowler was your son, walking home from the store and on the phone with his girlfriend and he was afraid. Afraid for his life. And you weren’t there to make it all better, like mommies are supposed to do. And now you hurt.
And now I hurt too because I am a mother and my heart aches for Trayvon Martin’s mother.
I am Trayvon Martin’s mother. I am sad. I am angry. I am confused. I don’t know what to do. I feel helpless and not in control.
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I still can’t believe this happened.
I am sitting here in tears because I feel a mother’s pain too, and also because I know that everything you say about having to be nicer, better, smarter to overcome this stigma is all too true. Your post is so poignant and raw. I want to protect all of our little boys (and girls) from the unfairness but I can’t. None of us can. helpless and out of control describes it perfectly.
Jo-Lynne {Musings of a Housewife}´s last [type] ..{Gluten Free} Weekly Meal Plan 03.26.12 *with Linky*
So powerfully written. I feel so torn by the need to “train” my son this way, and my desire for things to be very, very different. “I am Trayvon’s mother”… so sad, for all of us.
That was the most amazingly poignant, raw and beautifully written post about these events that I have read so far. Kudos to you for putting into words what so many people are feeling.
Jessica @FoundtheMarbles´s last [type] ..The Grey Hoodie Debate
Thank you for writing this. I saw my son put his hoodie on this week because it was cold, or it was raining, or he just wanted a little privacy. And it’s fine for him just because he’s white.
What kind of message are we sending to the Trayvons of this world when we say they have to be better than everyone else, and it won’t matter anyway? That someone will take one look at their clothing and be afraid and not look at the person wearing the clothes.
Barb @ A Life in Balance´s last [type] ..{ project 365 } 3.26.12
So very sad. I am Trayvon’s mother–maybe we need t-shirts and bumper stickers.
I am in shock, too, Lisa.
I’m pretty sure that when one mother hurts at the loss of her child, we all hurt. I hope Trayvon’s mother knows that we all send her a collective hug and we cry and are angry with her. Let’s wear hoodies, Susie!
Wow! This post literally gave me the chills. I’m not a mother yet, but I do hope to be one someday. I can’t possibly imagine the pain his family must be experiencing and I’m sad for them.
Lindsay @ Laughing Lindsay´s last [type] ..American Diabetes Association Alert Day
Thank you for sharing what so many feel, but have trouble putting into words. This is so sad. I’m ashamed of being white.
ConnieFoggles´s last [type] ..Disney Fantasy Brings Golden Age of Cruising and Fun for All Ages
Pam,
This is AMAZING! I love how you capture the feelings of EVERY mother! Thank you for posting this! MUAH!
[...] Margolis at I Yam Pam strongly identifies with, and as, Trayvon’s [...]
Powerful. This piece captures almost everything I feel about being a mother. I actually had tears reading this.
Mrsrkfj´s last [type] ..Trayvon Tuesday
First and foremost, do NOT be ashamed of your color. That is not my intention. YOU are not the offender. What is shameful is that this is allowed to go on. I think the next step for us is to VOTE for community leaders who will APPOINT the right officials who will not tolerate this kind of nonsense. Let’s take our tears to the voting polls AND/OR write our government officials.
This is past sad. I watched this on the news. What kind of stupid state allows crime watch citizens to carry a loaded weapon. And the excuses from this man, taking a life – and an innocent one at that – sickens me.
DM´s last [type] ..Guest Post Ginny Marie
I’ve followed this on the news since it happened. You’d think that society would be way past this problem by now but sadly we aren’t.
Shanaka @ Mama Bee Does´s last [type] ..Update to Our LoobaLee.com Visa Card & Credit Giveaway
everything about this is wrong so wrong.
Yes it is all so wrong. You are such a great writer.
Kelli´s last [type] ..Getting Things Started in my Office! #OfficeRedo
thanks Kelli.