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what up, wednesday?

so it’s wednesday again. although due to spring break yesterday (tuesday) felt like monday and monday felt like an extra saturday. but whatever. i’m caught up.  Thanks to my girl MamaKat (found here: http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/2010/04/your-assignment-should-you-choose-to-accept-12/) i am talking today about fears. yeah that’s wicked all right. we all have fears, yes? <chuckle> but seriously. here are my fears: left turns, certain animals: spiders, snakes, any animal smaller than a cat, rabbits, alligators, crocodiles, etc. additionally i am afraid of stupid people. why? cuz they scare me.

stupid people scare me because they’re stupid. and stupidity is ignorance. and ignorance has caused a whole lot of grief for a whole lot of people over time (jews, japanes, blacks, women,  etc).  and so  i never know when i’m going to be a target of something. mostly i’m just afraid of hearing the “n” word out in public, because mostly it’s ignorant and nasty.  when confronted with that situation i never quite know how to act. should i at like the superior minded person (which i am, natch) and ignore the remark? or should i come down to that person’s level and respond in kind?  it depends on my mood, really, and the situation.  the inner me wants to cuss someone out but the outer me knows that that isnt always appropriate (although it would be IMMENSELY satisfying).

things have gotten better since i was a kid, but they still could be alot better. i lived in Texas for quite a while and that was certainly an experience. people feel free to use that word. i guess some parts of Texas (or dare i say the South) didnt get the memo that the “n” word is ignorant and off limits?  not saying that it’s perfect up here in the Northeast, but at least the word is understood to be a no no. those who say it know they are speaking out of turn (i’m thinking of that radio talk guy and some women’s college basketball team) including  younger people.  For the younger people (i’m thinking that singer guy, i forget his name) i think the “n” word has become acceptable to them because perhaps they hear it so much (thinking rap music and from other blacks) theat they’ve become numb to its nastiness.  there are so so many derogative names for other cultures and ethinicities, but no one would be caught dead using them in public or on the tv or radio, but why are blacks allowed to be insulted?

i dont know.  to be sure, some days i dont feel like dealing with people, but that’s cuz i’m tired and grumpy from lack of sleep or too much anxiety or something else. but other days, i dont feel like dealing with people (especially people i dont know) because you never know if you’re gonna hear the “n” word.  and, of course, there’s the problem of how to respond. i wish my kids didnt hafta deal with this, although things are better than when my mother or my grandmother were younger, but i still wish.  of course, i cannot hide in my house all day. and its a good thing i dont pack a gun. cuz i know how to use it, with slightly above average accuracy (long story).  so, most days you hold your head up high, give yourself the pep talk (you’re the big dog, pammy pam!), give it all you got and try not to dwell on the fact that you may be the only person of color whereever you go.  are there that many e’s in that word? hmm. it doesnt look right.

i had hoped that with the advent of the first african american president (yay!) that there would be hope and that non african americans would not use a word (at least in public) that is offensive to #1 so many people (of all colors) and #2 the president.   i can still wish and hope.

until then, this was my post about fears. what are yours? i’d love to hear them.

Regarding Queen of Everything

Her highness is still queen of planet blortnick and also a MODEL.

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