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sunny day, crummy disposition

today the weather outside is gorgeous. its easter sunday but i dont celebrate much anymore. for some reason i woke up in a mood. it prolly actually started several days ago, i guess that is why i neglected to check to see if the kids had easter stuff (they are, btw, 13 and 17, so that is my excuse).  but today everything was irritating me. i had my coffee at home this morning but it didnt seem to help. i would be grumpy and then shake it off and then move on and then get grumpy again, shake it off, etc.  it is now almost 6pm and i’ve been in my bathroom for about an hour and a half. up in my room. sitting on my bed.

today has been draning. not really physically. we did some running around but emotionally draining. dealing with people is hard. especially when youre not in a good place. now even though i’m diagnosed with depression and ptsd i am generally able to pull it together. usually after the caffeine kicks in i can cope. quite well, actually. provided i dont hafta go to the grocery store. 

so i’m reading some articles today on depression. they are in a blog written by someone named christine stapleton. in this post she talks about how lack of sleep affects her depression and so on: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/depression/2010/01/my-depression-give-me-sleep-or-give-me-death/.  she also discusses in another blog post (which i cant find now) about how even though she is “depressed” she’s kinda happy each day, which really describes me. sometimes i have triggers or there is a tipping point, prolly like today, but for the most part i am ok. good even.  if only i could sleep.

in another article she discusses my friend seroquel. we all know seroquel makes me sleep. and sleep and sleep. which it did for her. and so i feel like i’m on a merry go round. do i sleep heavily at times only to wake up in the middle of the night and then be groggy in the am or what? sleep lightly, wake up in the morning and be groggy in the am? hmmm. until i figure out what to do it’s somewhat comforting to know that there are others with similar struggles. meanwhile, i feel mean sometimes. and my dreams manifest that. i’m always wanting to fight someone. which i guess is my subconscious (or is it unconscious?) working out its frustrations.

meanwhile, its a family holiday and i really could care less. i have no traditions to hand down to the kids (although we do like to eat out, which we did for brunch) and both mine and my husband’s family live far away. perhaps that’s part of my issue: i need to get outta myself and my immediate surroundings and be around family. or at least fun people.  although my kids have told me i do enjoy my own company a little too much. but they’re just jealous.

the kids are home one more day and tomorrow is supposed to be another nice day. i have a feeling i will get outside and do some yard work. sweating and hard work almost always helps me release some of my anger and frustrations. meanwhile, i’m hiding in my room.

think anyone will find me?

Regarding Queen of Everything

Her highness is still queen of planet blortnick and also a MODEL.

1 comment to sunny day, crummy disposition

  • If you are like me, when I hide in my room..I am hoping to NOT be found…EVER..lol. I love the picture you added of the man hammering the nail in his face. My husband and I had a conversation today where he described depression and PTSD as exactly that picture so that was kind of eerie when I opened your page.

    Oh and btw, I like the new look. 😉
    .-= Gadgerson´s last blog ..Happy Easter!! =-.