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which came first: insanity or insomnia?

so. here it is 1145pm. EST. and i’m awake. i have a headache. and i’m not sleepy. but that’s cuz i took a kick ass nap today. might have blogged about that earlier. dont remember. anyway, i thought i might actually write down what goes through my mind and why i can’t sleep. ok here goes.

first of all i’d like to preface this whinefest with this: SQUIRREL!!

you’ll notice i’m starting to get punchy. anyway. i rarely have a problem falling asleep at bedtime. regardless of what time that is. AND i can fall asleep just about anywhere: couch, recliner, kitchen table, dining room table, floor, computer desk, passenger seat in car, etc.  what i CAN’T do is stay asleep. here’s what happens.  on a typical night i get in me jim jams around 10pm. let’s say i’m not taking mrs sleeper tonight. i do all my female grooming BS and hop in the bed. generally fall asleep with the tv on. mostly for white noise, as i’m at the stage in my life where watching tv repulses me. so i fall asleep roughly within 20 minutes, prolly. then comes the fun. somewhere around 3am. give or take an hour before or after, i wake up. i took out the digital clock on my nightstand because the light bothered me, which i couldnt read anyway cuz i wear glasses. but not to bed. so how do i know what time it is?  the clock downstairs chimes every fifteen minutes. and so when i wake up i listen for Minny to chime (its a westminster chime or something).

EXAMPLE: so it’s roughly 3am and i’m awake. maybe i visit mrs bathroom maybe i dont. so i’m laying there with my eyes open. here’s a sample of the conversation going on in my head: hmmmm i hafta pee. but i dont wanna get up. but i should get up. but if i get up then i’ll hafta put my slippers on. yeah so what? i dont know where they are. they’re next to the bed stupid. oh. well i still dont wanna get up. what’s that sound? oh. that’s just the wind. hmmm the wind. which direction is it coming from? dont know. outside, prolly. yah i was outside today. it was sunny. nice. i like sunny. i like warm i can’t wait until we go to aruba again. i love it there. i’m gonna wear sunscreen this time, though so i dont get sunburned. like i did when we were in miami. i couldnt sleep in miami either cuz i had to go potty. i STILL hafta go potty. oh look. one of the kids is getting up to go potty. like i need to do. damn. now i can’t go cuz they’ll know i’m up too. ok. i’ll just lay here some more and listen to H. snore. yep he’s snoring. number one son snores. yep. the girl doesnt though. she talks in her sleep. i gotta pee real bad now. ok getting up. <go to bathroom>

ahhhhh so much better. my feet are cold now. i always have cold feet. i hate it. i hate cold weather. i like warm weather. like they have in aruba. its warm in aruba. my feet get cold in aruba too. <yawn> i’m tired. i wish i would go to sleep. yep. i’m sleepy. wish i could sleep. how come H. gets to sleep and i dont? boy he sure is snoring. that’s cuz he’s asleep. even the dog is sleeping. go to sleep. go to sleep. go to sleep. <close eyes> am i asleep? nope. DAMN. ok. try to use the techniques that i use when i fall asleep at bed time. ok. close eyes. <close eyes> clear mind. is it clear yet? no. damnit. ok. what’s that sound? oh that’s the heater kicking on. cuz it does that at night. cuz i programmed it to do that. so i wonder what time it is?  the heater kicks on at certain times during the day too. i know cuz i programmed it. remember when i lived in a townhouse that didnt have a programmable one? yep. am i asleep yet? nope. <yawn> but i’m sleepy. 

ok so i’m sure you get the picture by now. that is, if youre still awake. like me. the problem is, i can’t turn my brain off. one thought leads to another stupid thought. i eventually do fall asleep after an hour or so. but of course, pretty soon everyone is getting up for school and work. PLUS the sleep that i get after that is not very good. its kinda light sleep like a nap. only less satisfying.

and so you wake up sleepy. and grumpy. and head to #Starbucks.

this lack of sleeping leads to insanity. because you can’t sleep so you cant think straight. and after 25 years of it. you’re prolly crazy anyway, right? or am i insane because i can’t sleep? or can’t i sleep because i’m insane?

this is just one example of a sleepless night. maybe i’ll blog about what happens when i wander the house looking for sleep.

did i mention i’m scared of the dark? i could prolly use a lobodomy.

Minny just struck midnight. i’m still awake. yikes.

Regarding Queen of Everything

Her highness is still queen of planet blortnick and also a MODEL.

2 comments to which came first: insanity or insomnia?