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insomnia insomnia why are you my bff?

O sleep, O gentle sleep, nature’s soft nurse, how have I frightened thee, that thou no more wilt weigh my eye-lids down and steep my senses in forgetfulness?
William Shakespeare

so apparently many many many people have insomnia. i dont really know how they cope. ive had insomnia practically since i was about 15.  i guess it was easier to cope with when i was younger. now that i’m OLD (middle age, actually) it seems more difficult.  about a year ago i started seeing a psychiatrist for my insomnia problems. i’d spoken to someone “in the know” and this person suggested a certain little something presciptive might help.  so i sought help. i’ve tried just about everything prior: exercise, eating right, cool room, no electronics, yoga, pilates, no tv, no caffeine, you name it. none of it worked. my brain is ON and it just wont shut off.  sure, i can fall asleep, but i wake up during the witchng hour (approx 3am) and am awake for at least an hour, maybe more. i NEED at least 8 hours. over the years i’ve slept with the tv on, read, gotten up and gone downstairs, gotten on the computer, done homework, you name it. it only makes me more awake. so i was at my wit’s end. i’d also tried ambien, lunesta, OTC stuff, etc. 

So, mrs. dr. psychiatrist suggested a series of sleeping pills. i’ve tried mostly zyprexa and seroquel that i recall.  both of these meds are antipsychotics of sorts.  mostly these pills are prescribed for individuals who have bipolar. for the record, i do not have BIPOLAR. although some may think i act like it.  har har.  these meds are often used as sleeping pills.  the problem with these pills specifically is that they make me groggy the next day. i guess some call it the seroquell hangover of sorts.  well thats what i get. IN ADDITION: i often do not get a full nights rest. i sleep lightly sometimes and sometimes wake up. so as you can imagine, i am SLEEPY in the morning. i struggle to get out of the bed. so…therefore, i need caffeine. lots of it. after a few hours the drunk effects wear off (i’m sure thanks to the extra shot of espresso i get in my coffee). 

i’m beginning to wonder if you have to trade one thing for the other: do i need to sacrifice my sanity for sleep? the side effects of most of the meds are insomnia. but if i’m taking a med for insomnia, shouldnt it be stronger than the insomnia pill?  do i have to sacrifice alertness in the morning for sleep? how the hell can i get up in the morning for a REAL job (assuming i find one) if i cant sleep and/or get the hell outta bed?  my buddy at http://www.crazymeds.us/index.htm naturally has some insight into both of these meds.  makes you wonder.  so…i can choose to be sleepy from not sleeping or be sleepy from not sleeping well enough.  how to choose? and of course, lets not forget that sometimes i dont give a damn about anything. which may also be a side effect of zoloft. or seroquel. or zyprexa. so…still looking for the right cocktail. lack of sleep also contributes to cognitive decline.

the end.

Regarding Queen of Everything

Her highness is still queen of planet blortnick and also a MODEL.

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