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i’m calling this post: i’m an only child and i MUST have my way

yeah so its not really about being an only child. although i thought it was. see, i’m an only child. here’s how it happened: i was dropped off on this planet by some aliens and i am waiting for them to come get me.  at least i’m pretty sure i must be the spawn of an alien family because i don’t really fit in in my own birth family.  when i got a little older i thought for sure, for SURE i was adopted. but then i went back to the alien thing again because if my mother had adopted me, why did she treat me the way she did? not that she treated me poorly, mind you. i just wasnt treated how i EXPECTED to be treated. you know, catered to, cowtowed to, admired, etc. anyway, i was born the only child to my father and mother. then they split up (not right away mind  you). back then it was called a broken home.  each parent eventually remarried and that’s another story. so, i’m an only child from a broken home.

what does all this mean? nothing. except that as an only child of two divorced parents in the 70s (i grew up with mozart) i was treated differently by the two parents. yep. they each spoiled me to some extent i guess to assuage their guilt, which i figured out early on. and used it to my benefit.  so, i was an only child who was used to getting her way.  natch, i was an overachiever as well.  if you ascribe to the birth order parenting thing (Dr. Kevin Leman) then you know that i am a typical first/only. yep. i could manipulate the best of them. EVEN my mother, who is pretty strong willed and what not.

now why am i boring you with all this? because. this is the back story. i have a life accustomed to getting my way and being an overachiever: anything worth doing is worth doing 100%! of course i’m going to get an A+ or win or whatever, because i put my all into it and i ALWAYS win!  so, you get the picture. 

let’s take into consideration my memory issues for a second. i’ve posted many times about the memory problems and how they could be attributed to the ptsd.  what i find really interesting is this website: http://www.palace.net/llama/psych/trauma.html  it describes symmptoms of ptsd. which i’m sure i’ve listed in previous posts, but here’s what i want to explore today.    this site lists symptoms of ptsd:

  • Hypervigilance and scanning
  • Elevated startle response
  • Blunted affect, psychic numbing
  • Aggressive, controlling behavior (a high degree of insistence on getting your way)
  • Interruption of memory and concentration
  • Depression
  • Generalized anxiety
  • Violent eruptions of rage
  • Substance abuse
  • Intrusive recall — different from normal memory in that it brings with it stress and anxiety
  • Dissociative experiences, including dissociative flashbacks
  • Insomnia
  • Suicidal ideation
  • Survivor guilt

i’ve crossed out the symptoms that i dont experience. but you’ll notice halfway down the page that it lists agressive, controlling behavior (insisting on getting one’s way). and who does that sound like? me, of course! yes i’ve always wanted my way, but i’ve noticed that i hafta have my way with everything. isnt that interesting? ask my kids and my husband. they’ll tell you i can be quite difficult. the hubs once referred to me as a bull dog cuz once i latch on to an idea i dont back down. yep.

so here i am thinking that my controlling was part of being an only child and here it is possibly a symptom of something else. i think that’s real interesting. what am i gonna do with this info? nuthin. who doesnt like to get their way? that’s why i like to think of myself as the queen. of everything. cuz i like to get my way. but i dont mind working hard to get it, dont forget.

am i the only one who acts this way? please tell me i’m not. or tell me your birth order and how you do or do not fit the description. or tell me what you had for dinner. just tell me something!

Regarding Queen of Everything

Her highness is still queen of planet blortnick and also a MODEL.

Love is closed.