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and its friday again

not really, but it IS late thursday night. had a busy day today and just now getting around to blogging.  i must write tonight because i cant guarantee that i’ll be in any shape to write tomorrow. why? because tomorrow i meet with the psychiatrist. so what?  well, see while she’s been out of the country, i’ve not been taking my grumpy (prolly should call them anti grumpy) pills. i blogged weeks ago about not taking my pills (i think it was during the olympics) because for S&G i wanted to see if my memory would return. i was off my meds for about 2 weeks. just enough time for me to start feeling crummy. after the neuropsychologist suggested i get back on them i did. so. see here comes the scary part. when i meet with mrs. dr. psychiatrist i’m gonna hafta tell her what the tentative diagnosis was of mrs. dr. neuropsychologist and also that i didnt take my meds for two weeks. then i’m gonna tell mrs. dr. psychiatrist that i dont like the pristiq and i want to take something else. then she’s gonna tell me that i cant because i havent been on it long enough and blah blah blah blah blah. so after leaving tomorrow’s party, i might not be in any mood to write anything down other than WTF and FTFO. you dig?  although i am gonna hafta pull it together enough to deal with pumpkin and two of her friends who are sleeping over. 

does anyone else feel overwhelmed with housework and parenting duties? my kids are teens and i know i should be all cool and perfect by now but i’m not. i resent housework and cooking and stuff. why? because its WORK. unpaid and thankless.  and i hate it. i feel trapped. like a slave.  when i was a single parent i had no choice but to do it. i was also younger and didnt know that i was suffering from all the things i’m suffering from.  every day i see evidence of how the tentative ptsd could be true: how i have built my life around avoiding certain fearful situations and people.  and how years of pushing down emotions and memories and not coping with things properly has turned me into a brain smurf. 

did i mention i need a sign in the shower to help me remember to rinse off? yep. almost forgot to rinse the soap off my body this morning. why? cuz i was SO intent on shaving my legs (which i hate) that  by the time i finished shaving i almost got out of the shower. something told me to doublecheck myself. good thing i did. cuz i was soapy. DUH.

also, when i was walking cujo this morning i kept telling myself i need to reorder his tea and flick medicine. yep tea and flick. lucky for me i remembered to write it down. AND correctly, i might add: flea and tick. but of course, i had to keep saying flea and tick flea and tick over and over until i got home so i would remember it correctly!

i knew it was gonna be a rough day when i got to starbucks and they were all out of my blueberry scone. the day went downhill from there.

Regarding Queen of Everything

Her highness is still queen of planet blortnick and also a MODEL.

Love is closed.